Meat SoftLayerPosted by Steve Kinman in Funny
It has been a bit since I last “bloghogged” so I figured it was time to see what I could come up with. There is just so much going on in the world that I am not sure I can control myself and keep my blog on topic. You have all seen it in the past where I go from topic to topic and then finally wrap it all up with nonsense in the end. I can only assume this one will be the same.
My choices are the Olympics and how they turned out, politics, servers, outsourcing of course, customer service, 4-year old flag football, or meat. It is a tough choice but I think this one just has to be about meat.
The SoftLayer corporate offices are really close, I dare say too close, to a little place called Rafain. Warning, if you click the link you will get hungry. In case you haven’t ever been to a Brazilian Steakhouse (Churrascaria) then you might want to consider finding one close to you and giving it a shot. It is servers, the human ones, walking around with 7 to 15 types of grilled meat on long metal skewers holding big sharp knives. They slice the meat of your choice off and it lands on your plate. It’s the point and click of steakhouses. Instant steakification! You can of course choose to eat fillers along the way starting with salad, or great little cheese rolls and you are also offered mashed potatoes and fried bananas. Some people eat that stuff but I go straight for the money meat. Beef! Lots of beef. There is Spicy Beef, Garlic Beef, Top Sirloin, Flank, and the house special. They are always hot and fresh off the grill. They have other meats like chicken, pork, leg of lamb, and sausage but you can get those anywhere. As our CEO would say, “If a meat is low fat by design, there is no point in eating it!”
How is the service you ask? Amazing. You have a small card that is red on one side and green on the other. If you have it on the green side they will keep offering you meat until you explode or you get smart and turn the card to red. Red means, “I am taking a small break in the action but far from done!” The real fun is when they bring you a clean plate and you suddenly forget that you are about to fall out of your chair and need assistance to get back in it and start all over and eat more.
Here is where the stretch begins. How am I going to tie this into SoftLayer and outsourcing and why we are the best at what we do? Well, I’m not. This blog is simply about Meat.
Ok, last funny story. A few of the crew here at SoftLayer worked together back in the early 90’s, general ISP technical support stuff. We worked long shifts and usually ate at our desks. We would occasionally sneak out and go to a local Chinese Buffet but we were on a serious time crunch. We could eat 4 or 5 plates of food in 10 minutes easily. We came up with a term we still use today, CPM (Calories Per Minute). We had fun little sayings like, “The CPM’s were very high that day my friend” (thanks Seinfeld!) and many others like it. I can only assume that the Chinese buffet, as far as calories are concerned, would still beat out “instant steakification” on the CPM scale, but I can assure you we would need a couple of SoftLayer servers and some serious Excel equations to figure out the numbers.
Eat less Chicken!