Meet the SLinstones

December 3, 2008

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You hear a loud whistle in the distance most likely someone’s internet clock set to 5pm. You are finishing up the last 20 or 30 emails you are behind on and getting ready for a little OT. Suddenly, out the window you hear a scream; “Yabba Dabba Doooo!!!!” and you see someone running from the building next door as fast as they can. You realize it is time for all the clock punchers to go home for the evening. Who else would scream “Yabba Dabba Doo”? No one screams it at 5am when the alarm goes off to go to work... at least no one I know, unless it is Starbucks and Krispy Kreme day.

Here at the SL Server Quarry we have some interesting similarities to the Stone Age Flintstones and this blog is intended to point a few of them out. Since a few of them were recently compared to Darth, Luke and their friends I just couldn’t resist. This is my blog so I make the rules, they can be based on looks, personality, or whatever I can come up with that is humorous.
So starting at the top… and the easy ones…

Fred “Lance” SLintstone – The shows main character and the designer of our highly automated quarry. Like Fred Flintstone, he is the task master that gently pushes Barney, and everyone around and makes them meet deadlines that a team of 80 might not be able to meet. These impossible requests keep everyone in the server quarry on the same path and going for the same goal. Rumor has it he is out playing in the clouds most recently.


Barney “Sam” Rubble – Barney is here every morning when I get here and is always here when I leave. In most cases he beats Fred; I think he has faster feet. I have tried many different times of arrival and departure to trip him up but I can’t seem to work longer than he does. I think maybe he just lives under his desk and goes out once a day to move his truck around so people will think he left and came back. That’s why he never parks in the same place. I always thought it was so his employees couldn’t figure out when to show up and leave but I have since foregone that conclusion! Barney keeps Fred SLintstone very happy.


Wilma “JenJen” SLintstone – Lance’s wife of course. Now you would think this would be off limits but she too has quite a role here in the server quarry. She is always ready to help us say things politically correct and get the word out. Unfortunate for her and good for me, PR groups can’t proofread every blog. They just don’t have the time as they have real work to contend with. If they had that much free time then they might want to consider a career change.


Pebbles “Amanda” Slintstone – is one of our SLales gurus. She is one of the best in the industry. I think she could play the part in a movie based on the similarities in the looks alone! If you need a server you can’t go wrong by contacting her.


Mr. “Sean” Slate has a goal. He wants us to have everything we need to make our customers happy. No matter whether it is internal equipment, new products, new toys, whatever, money, cables, pickaxes, sledge hammers, you name it and he helps in that way. Don’t let the smile fool you, there must be a little stress in his position since Mr. Slate is a little light on the topside.


Betty “Sam’s Wife” Rubble – Oh no, I am not falling into this gravel pit. This would be my boss’s wife, I know better!


Bamm Bamm “Michael” Rubble – Bamm Bamm sits quietly in his cube knocking out the sales. He is the pretty boy of the bunch. Even though the only thing he knows how to say is “Bam Bam” it must work in server sales as he does quite well. It is a rumor that he learned the phrase “Bam Bam” while chasing Doug Jackson around with a club. You have to watch that server quarry SLales team.


Dino “Daniel” SLinstone - Dino is fun loving and likes goofing off with Pebbles and Bamm Bamm, he can also be moved to anger, at which point he snarls and snaps. HR currently has Dino in obedience training so we feel certain that he will stop snapping. Rumor has it he makes a mean elephant chili, but I believe it to be exactly that, a rumor.


The “Techies” Gruesomes (Fred’s strange next door neighbors) – We love the Gruesomes. Without them we wouldn’t have the great support we have. They work hard all the time and anyone that knows about some of the things they do must be a little bit strange in a good way. These guys can help you with just about anything you need when it comes to problems in the server quarry. This is a partial pictorial of the industries finest!


Don’t forget The “Information Systems” Wayouts! (The English rock group mistaken for aliens!) – this group of four guys and their team keep all the quarry’s internal brains and lots of quarry customer stuff working as well. Most outsiders know them as humans but all good SLackers know they must be aliens. Who is that smart and human? I can’t tell which group is which, can you?


The Great “Ric” Gazoo (an alien exiled to earth) – The Great Gazoo brings a ton of alien gadgetry to SoftLayer. Without this alien technology we would be just another place on the web. With his alien brain power he makes Lance and Nathan’s ideas come to life.


Arnold “Mike” the Paper Boy – Arnold is the money guy around here but he also writes blogs in hopes that he can keep up with the Kinmans. It will never happen but he can be called the paper boy for those reasons. Not to mention his boyish good looks many, many, many, MANY years ago. We just need to teach him to let go of the flat rocks and chisel and get into the quarry’s more technical side.


Joe “Nathan” Rockhead – Joe is friend of the show. He and Barney go way back. I think they have some kind of collegiate relationship because they say the word Aggie all the time. I’m not quite sure what that is all about. Joe’s head is full of all sorts of things but I am not so sure it is rocks as he keeps us on the cutting edge of everything! I guess it is true; some people do like to read! Joe is kind of an enigma as you can see from his Flintstone comparison picture. (In other words a picture of Joe from the Flintstones just doesn’t exist!)


And last but not least!

Sam ”Kevin – Klaude “my name is not Klaude” Slagheap (Grand Poobah of the Loyal Order of Water Buffaloes) – is the Grand Poobah of all our loyal SoftLayer groupies. Yes, we have groupies. Kevin manages them very nicely and helps them with just about any crazy request they might come up with. Of course there are no Flintstone pictures of Sam either, but here is one of Sam in the SLintstone era just to fair to everyone! You can check out his handy work on our Facebook fan page!


So what you have witnessed here is a few of the many people that make SoftLayer as cool as we are. We all work hard to make sure of one thing; that our customers are as happy at the SoftLayer server quarry as we are!


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