The Kinmans are Taking Over

July 10, 2009

Yeah, it’s official…we have another one: me, even though I’m only a summer intern. The day after my 16th birthday couldn’t have been a better opportunity for me to begin my quest for company domination. Well, I think that will come later.

Anyway, it is my first job at my first company, ever. Softlayer’s really nice. They paid me one hour’s wages for sitting in a conference room and filling out a frightening mountain of paperwork (OK, well, maybe it was more like 5 or 6 forms), and again another day for visiting a few datacenter rooms in the Infomart (I think it was compensation for hearing damage from the noise in the rooms). Michael Scott would have scoffed and turned his empty pockets inside out. Anyway, my point is to tell you that the Kinman clan is taking over Softlayer.

Yep, you got that right.

Steve has 4 kids who will probably grow up and get promoted to manage some section of the company each. Gary’s kid (me) already has a spot, and I’m up to my ears in details about servers, processors, RAM, disk drives, routers, switches, fiber, etc. Heck, maybe Mama Carol and Papa Willie will come back out of retirement to work here too. Oh and Steve’s wife and my mom and…well, you get the idea. If your name is Kinman, you’re gonna work at Softlayer, whether you like it or not.

Someday, you’re gonna wake up in some kind of cubicle in a building on International Parkway and you’re gonna wonder how the heck you ended up there. And HR is just gonna tell you, “Well…your last name IS Kinman…” They may have to stop paying us to fill out forms to keep from going bankrupt because there’s gonna be so many of us. With that in mind, I’d say that the average current non-Kinman Softlayer employee has about three years, plus-or-minus, before the co-worker next to them is, you guessed it, a Kinman. Wow. Congrats Carol and Willie.

…just kidding. But speculation is fun, right? Until it actually happens. Muahahahahaha.