Skinson 1634AR15 CompliancePosted by Steve Kinman in Executive Blog, Funny, SoftLayer
Skinson’s 1634AR15 Competency Controlled Certification of Compliance
New Compliance structure makes a compliance officer’s life much easier.
Dallas — In a world where auditor to auditor reports are out of control and we have a mountain of complex compliances to worry about, one competent compliancy controlled certification of compliance finally comes forth (and not a minute too soon).
“This new groundbreaking idea will change the lives of many competing auditing firms, law firms, accounting firms and so on,” says Steve Kinman. “I spend countless hours reading controls for one report and different controls for another report, and the only difference is the verbiage and format.”
The new Skinson 1634AR15 Certification combines your SAS70, SSAE16, ROC, VOC, SOC, NIST, SARBOX, PCI, OMB, ACART, CFDA, HIPAA and SAFE HARBOR compliance into a single report using a set framework that automorphs based upon which auditor is touching the report or viewing it in the state of the art Skinson Portal.
“The Skinson portal is mind-blowing,” says Val Stinson. “The automorph feature is something straight out of the movies. It knows who is reading and can change the wording on the fly. This keeps auditors from scratching their heads when the words in the report don’t match the words their instruction book.”
The introductory price for full Skinson 1634AR15 Compliance Certification is $1,000,000 USD. This is all-inclusive and will sufficiently cover all of your compliance needs.
Headquartered in Dallas, Texas, Skinson is a fictional company that likes to poke fun at the difficult job of compliance in the world. While we find that it can be overwhelming at times, we understand that compliance is a necessary evil. We would like to note that something like we dream about above would be very nice and would save the world a ton of work and cut down on our carbon footprint considerably. If you are in a position of control and can make the above happen please help us!!
On a side note, SoftLayer will do everything we can to help you with any compliance you need. Just ask your local sales team for help, and they will find the right person and get you in contact.
P.S. The actual reason for this blog post is that we just announced that the control procedures and compliance for our 11 data centers have been verified in a Service Organization Control Report (SOC 1) prepared under the terms of the Statement on Standards for Attestation Engagements No. 16 (SSAE 16) by independent auditing firm Weaver.