Tips for the Unseasoned Traveler

September 19, 2011

This year has been exciting for me at SoftLayer. I took on a new role here as a member of our marketing team, and in that role, I've played a big role in our trade shows. We participate in a huge number of trade shows each year, and I've been lucky enough to meet thousands of current and (hopefully) future SoftLayer customers. To give you an idea of how often I'm on the road, I probably spend about 2-3 weeks each month away from home ... And that means I am in airports all the time.

I happen to be one of those weirdos that actually enjoys traveling, but honestly, the travel experience at airports and on planes can be pretty annoying at times, so I thought I'd put together some traveling tips before my next trip so I can hand out the URL when I see violations. Here's the short list of tips I've come up with in my travels:

At the Airport

  • When going through security do not choose the “Expert Traveler” line if you are not an expert. The experts will know you don't belong, and we will sneer at you.
  • The security line is not the time to make jokes on terrorism. In fact, there's never a good time to make jokes about terrorism, especially at an airport.
  • If you are selected for random screening, please do not throw a fit. The officer doing the pat down probably isn't trying to make a pass at you and hates the process just as much as you do.
  • If your boarding pass says Group 5 there is no point in huddling near the boarding area when the airline representative has called Group 1. You are the reason the boarding process is moving slowly.

Boarding the Plane

  • When the flight attendant announces that everyone should move into their row so other passengers can get by you, he/she is probably talking about you.
  • If you have a small enough bag to place under the seat in front of you, please do so. There is a person in Group 6 with a full size carry-on bag that would rather not have to check his bag because your shopping bag is taking up his valuable space.
  • If you are seated in the back of the aircraft, don't place your bag up in the front bin just so you do not have to roll it to the back. The people sitting in the front of the plane would rather not have to wait for everyone to get off the plane so they can walk to the very back to retrieve their bag.

On the Plane

  • You aren't fooling anyone by trying to hide your cell phone between your knees after the cabin door closes.
  • If the person next to you puts on their headphones it probably means they are not interested in having a flight long conversation about your life.
  • Please don't get mad at me if I decide to put my seat back. If you need more legroom, spring for First Class or at least an exit row. If you absolutely need me to stay upright, ask me nicely, and you'll have a lot better chance that I'll be able to help you out.
  • I got the window seat so I wouldn't have to get up if someone next to me needed to get into the aisle ... You got the aisle seat with a little extra room, so please don't have an attitude if I need you to move to get into the aisle. That's the tradeoff.
  • Yes, the armrest is shared, so you have a right to half of it ... This means that if your arm is on my half of the armrest and you're in my personal space, we have a problem.
  • If you decide to talk to the person sitting next to you on the flight, please keep your voice down. People five rows behind you are not interested in your conversation.

And lastly ...

  • Do not eat foods that may make you gassy before you travel. Passing gas in a plane where air is re-circulated is not cool.

Safe travels!

-Summer

Comments

September 19th, 2011 at 6:30pm

Although this post is categorized under "Funny", it certainly is not. Travel snobbery at it's worst.

September 22nd, 2011 at 11:17am

Hey Jason, Thanks for the comment! Snobbery was not intended in Summer's lighthearted reflection of her experiences while traveling ... If the tongue-in-cheek tone wasn't clear, I see how you could read some of those "tips" as a little over-the-top, but without those over-the-top additions, the tongue-in-cheek nature of the post wouldn't have been as obvious, so it's a vicious cycle.

September 23rd, 2011 at 2:03am

I once got some very unpleasant words from security for using the dreaded 'b' word while in line...

Me: Cool it, dude. They're just trying to make sure no one brings a bomb on board the plain (proceeds to watch all hell break loose).

I now abide by the mantra "Suffer in Silence"

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Comments

September 19th, 2011 at 6:30pm

Although this post is categorized under "Funny", it certainly is not. Travel snobbery at it's worst.

September 22nd, 2011 at 11:17am

Hey Jason, Thanks for the comment! Snobbery was not intended in Summer's lighthearted reflection of her experiences while traveling ... If the tongue-in-cheek tone wasn't clear, I see how you could read some of those "tips" as a little over-the-top, but without those over-the-top additions, the tongue-in-cheek nature of the post wouldn't have been as obvious, so it's a vicious cycle.

September 23rd, 2011 at 2:03am

I once got some very unpleasant words from security for using the dreaded 'b' word while in line...

Me: Cool it, dude. They're just trying to make sure no one brings a bomb on board the plain (proceeds to watch all hell break loose).

I now abide by the mantra "Suffer in Silence"

Leave a Reply

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