Funny Posts

December 25, 2011

SoftLayer's 12 Days of Christmas

If you're just joining us, you may have missed our remixes of "SoftLayer is Coming to Town" and "Go Tell it on the Mountain" ... Both of which would be flying off the shelves these days (if our blog had shelves). In an effort to fill up some more space on a SoftLayer-only Christmas CD (and of course help rocket ourselves to a Bieber-level of fame), we've re-written the lyrics to The Twelve Days of Christmas and added a touch of SL style.

Given the festiveness of the season, we couldn't just post the lyrics for this song, so I walked around our Dallas office to capture a few SLayers delivering each one of the lines. When you click the play button, keep an eye/ear out to pinpoint which of our very own SLayers is a trained opera singer.

As our present to you, please enjoy SoftLayer's 12 Days of Christmas:

If you want to sing along, we have the lyrics below for each day ... If you know the format of the song, it can be pretty repetitive, so I'll just give you the list from the twelfth day and you can read from the bottom as the video is playing:

SoftLayer's 12 Days of Christmas (Twelfth Day)

On the twelfth day of Christmas, SoftLayer gave to me:
Twelve sticks of RAM,
Eleven CCIs,
Ten Gig connections,
Nine feet of cable,
Eight IP addresses,
Seven extra hard drives,
Six disk partitions,
Five-minute cloud provisioning,
Four hypervisor options,
Three network layers,
Two SSDs,
And a server chassis customized for me!

Thank you to all of the SLayers who participated in this video and we hope you had as many laughs watching this as we did filming. :-)

Merry Christmas!


December 19, 2011

SoftLayer Shopping List

With the holidays upon us, this can be a very hectic time of year. Whether you are the type to brave the shopping mall for your holiday purchases or you do all your shopping from your easy chair over the Internet, gift giving has become one of the more traditional activities during the Christmas season.

It seems that my shopping list gets bigger and bigger each year. At the beginning of every holiday season, I sit down and compose a list of people for whom I will be buying gifts. I then determine the best place to find each item. The next step is to determine whether I will be purchasing what that person needs or what that person wants. If I am shopping for my spouse, I usually get her something she needs. I hate to admit it, but if I am shopping for myself, I usually get something I want.

Another important aspect of holiday shopping is staying within my budget. When I am shopping for someone I hardly see, their gift will be purchased with a small amount of money. When I budget for a family member or someone very close to me, I spend a lot of money on them (and I try to not splurge too much).

Another fun part of shopping is getting it all done as early as possible so I can enjoy the rest of the holiday season. This relieves me from worrying about what I'm going to get "so-and-so" in time for the holiday? Once I've completed my shopping, then comes the hard part: Wrapping the gifts. My wrapping skills would probably put me in the "novice" category, so if I can get the gifts professionally wrapped at the department store, I'm happy to put down a few extra dollars to avoid the awkward, "Did you wrap this in the dark?" questions.

One of my favorite parts of the gift-giving tradition is watching the recipient open their gift. Even if I don't receive anything in return, it brings me joy to see that they enjoy it. It's pretty clear that I'm in the camp that believes it's more blessed to give than it is to receive ... That's probably why I tend to spend more money during the holiday season than I do throughout the entire year on weddings, birthdays, anniversaries and other special occasions.

If you've listened to the radio at all in the past month or so, you've probably heard of the "The Twelve Days of Christmas" playing about a few dozen times per day. It lists twelve things your true love gives to you. Next Sunday, you're going to get a final holiday-related video with a few folks from the SoftLayer team singing our own little version of the song, but I thought I'd share twelve things you can add to your SoftLayer shopping cart for to make your server faster and your job a lot easier.

  1. QuanataStor Storage Server
  2. CloudLayer Storage
  3. CloudLayer Content Delivery Network
  4. Managed Hosting Services
  5. Hardware Upgrade
  6. Network Services Upgrade
  7. Evault Backup Services
  8. Virtual Racks
  9. Citrix Netscaler
  10. Advanced Monitoring Service
  11. Email Delivery Service
  12. Add Virtual Computing with CCIs

Here is to wishing you a very happy holiday season!


December 6, 2011

Go, Tell it on the Mountain

Because SoftLayer is now a global hosting company and the holidays are upon us, I thought I'd tweak another Christmas classic with some SoftLayer-specific content ... We're going to need a few more tracks to add to SoftLayer is Coming to Town if we hope to compile an album that'll compete with Justin Bieber.

Go, Tell it on the Mountain

While SLayers kept their watching
O'er customer servers by night,
Another DC opened,
and SoftLayer's now worldwide.

Go, tell it on Facebook
Over on Reddit and everywhere
Go, tell it on LinkedIn
That SoftLayer hosts your site!

Our competitors feared and trembled
When lo! around the earth
Rang out the three bars chorus
That hailed of SoftLayer's worth.

Go, tell it on Facebook
Over on Reddit and everywhere
Go, tell it on LinkedIn
That SoftLayer hosts your site!

From in a lowly basement
Our humble business came;
Innovation and Automation
Would change the hosting game.

Go, tell it on Facebook
Over on Reddit and everywhere
Go, tell it on LinkedIn
That SoftLayer hosts your site!

Before I was a SLayer
I searched both day and night
For a company that was perfect,
And SoftLayer turned out right.

Go, tell it on Facebook
Over on Reddit and everywhere
Go, tell it on LinkedIn
That SoftLayer hosts your site!

I was made a SLayer
A few short years ago,
And since I joined SoftLayer
I've seen us really grow, sooooo...

Go, tell it on Facebook
Over on Reddit and everywhere
Go, tell it on LinkedIn
That SoftLayer hosts your site!

If you sing this carol in front of the house of one of our 26,000+ customers, I can almost guarantee that you'll be invited in for hot chocolate ... Or they'll think you're a crazy stalker because you know about their hosting provider, and they'll call the police.

Either way, thanks for "listening"!


November 28, 2011

Brisket and BYOC

With all of the cooking and eating going on around Thanksgiving, Summer's Truffle Mac and Cheese blog inspired me to think back on any of the "expertise" I can provide for SoftLayer customers in the kitchen. One of the first things my mother taught me to cook was brisket. While it might not be as exotic as 3 Bars Barbeque, it's pretty easy to make. Everyone who tastes it sings its praises and thinks it took forever to prepare, and while it does have to cook in the oven for about four hours, there are only five ingredients, so the "preparation" time is actually only around ten minutes. Since it's not exactly a family secret, I don't think I'll get into any trouble for sharing it:

Easy-To-Make Brisket Ingredients

  • 1 Brisket - I'd recommend having the majority (not all) of the fat trimmed off at the store
  • 2 1/2 Cups of Ketchup - Buy the largest ketchup bottle and plan on using a little more than half
  • 1 1/2 Cups of Water
  • 1 Packet of Onion Soup Mix
  • 1 Can of Tomato Paste (Optional, adds flavor)


  1. Pre-heat oven to 300 degrees
  2. Mix all of the non-brisket ingredients and pour them on top of the brisket in a large roaster (one with a lid would be preferable)
  3. Make sure the entire brisket is covered. Pick it up to get your other ingredients underneath.
  4. Pop it into the oven for four hours at 300 degrees.
  5. Take it out, let it cool, and enjoy!

That's the basic, original recipe, but I've found a few ways to make it juicier along the way. One tip is to pull the brisket from the oven after about three and a half hours and slice it against the grain. If you have an electric knife, this is the perfect chance to use it, and if you don't, this could be an excuse to get one. Put the brisket back in the roaster for another half hour, and you'll love the results. Because ovens differ, just make sure it's moist before you take it out to serve.

At this point, you're probably asking yourself what a brisket recipe has to do with SoftLayer. If you've used our Build Your Own Cloud wizard, you might already see the similarity: You can put something together that seems dauntingly time consuming quickly and without breaking a sweat ... And the end result is amazing. There are a few simple steps to making an impressive brisket, and it takes a few clicks to build a customized cloud instance with all the benefits of SoftLayer's global network and support.

Too often, selecting a cloud instance involves more limitations than it does choices, so we wanted to make sure the BYOC service enabled customers the granularity to choose CPU, RAM, and storage configurations on newer, more powerful servers than our competition. Just like my tweak of the original recipe, we want customers to have the ability to tweak their cloud platform to provide the best application performance, cost efficiency, and availability for their specific needs.

If this blog left you hungry, you've got everything you need to make an amazing brisket. If you don't have the ingredients (or the four hours) you need to make one now, you can try the quicker BYOC recipe:

SoftLayer Cloud Ordering Ingredients

  • The device you're using to read this blog.
  • A list of what you want on your cloud instance.


  1. Visit SoftLayer's Build Your Own Cloud page.
  2. Select the options you want and submit your order.
  3. Start using your custom cloud instance in less than 20 minutes!

Happy Building! :-)


November 24, 2011

Summer's Specialty: Truffle Mac and Cheese

Over half my time this year has been spent traveling around the US, Canada and Europe where I've shared the SoftLayer story with hundreds (if not thousands) of people. Since most of our trade shows are outside of the Dallas area, I frequently call a hotel room "home," so I really cherish my actual home. One of my favorite things to do while I am home is spend quality time in the kitchen with my husband and our mischievous 2 year old chocolate lab (who is usually close by waiting for food to fall off the counter), and in honor of Thanksgiving Day today, I thought I'd share a quick recipe for you if you're frantically looking for a dish to bring to a turkey day party.

Anyone that knows me well will tell you that I am not the greatest cook, but one thing I do make well is truffle mac and cheese. Since one of the goals on the SoftLayer Blog is to share the culture and expertise of our employees (and given the holiday timing), I thought my expertise in this area would be particularly valuable.


  • 1/2 lb. dried macaroni pasta
  • 2 1/4 cups shredded Swiss cheese
  • 3 Tbsp. unsalted butter
  • 2 cups whole milk
  • 1/4 cup all-purpose flour
  • 2 tsp. White truffle oil — Though I usually use more ... I am not–so-secretly obsessed with this stuff!
  • 1/3 cup garlic bread crumbs
  • Salt and pepper


  1. Cook macaroni noodles in a pan according to directions on the container.
  2. Add the unsalted butter to a separate saucepan over medium heat until the butter begins to foam (constantly stir to make sure the butter does not burn).
  3. Add the flour to the foaming butter and stir for about 1-2 minutes.
  4. Carefully pour in the milk, whisking constantly until all the milk has been added. The sauce should begin to thicken. Make sure to whisk out any lumps. This should take around 5 minutes.
  5. Remove the pan from the heat and begin to add in 2 cups of shredded Swiss cheese. Mix this until the cheese has completely melted.
  6. Add truffle oil and season to taste with salt and pepper.
  7. Drain the water from the cooked macaroni noodles and add the cheese sauce to the noodles. Mix until the cheese has coated the noodles.
  8. Place the mac and cheese in a baking dish. Sprinkle the last 1/4 cup of shredded Swiss cheese and your 1/3 cup of garlic bread crumbs over the top.
  9. Place the dish in the oven on a high broil until the top is crispy and golden brown.

When you take it out of the oven and let it cool, you can load it into your car and whisk it away to your get-together to amaze all of your friends and family ... If you can manage to keep yourself from eating it on the way.

Happy Thanksgiving!


November 8, 2011

PHIL's DC: SoftLayer Data Center Tour

When I was chosen by Lance to manage a "special project," I knew I had my work cut out for me. My mission is to redefine how data centers are built, so before I get too far in the creation of my data center facility, I thought it would be a good idea to get a quick refresher about how SoftLayer builds and runs its data centers:

You can disregard the references to Lance "requiring" me to go on the tour ... and the formality of Jon having to sign a note that said I successfully completed the tour. The references to those were just for dramatic effect since Lance and I are pretty much eye-to-eye about everything that needs to happen for PHIL's DC to succeed, and we both thought it would be good to have signed documentation that I went on a tour.

As I mentioned at the end of the tour, I didn't find the tour to be a complete waste of time because I was able to observe some of the biggest hurdles in building and maintaining a data center. Is redundancy really necessary ... or is it just redundant? What the heck did Jon say in the UPS room? How fast does a person have to run on a single treadmill for that treadmill to power 40,000 servers?

While I try to source my own "PHIL's DC" rack identifiers, my adoring public can take time to go through this video with a fine-toothed comb to suggest any potential data center innovations that you think I may have overlooked. I already have the most innovative and efficient data center designed in my head, but I'll consider crediting you if you share an idea ... even if (and by if, I mean "when") I've already thought of it.

I've got a hot lead on some slightly used hardware, so the next time you see me, the PHIL's DC inventory area should be fully stocked and ready for my own truck day.


October 30, 2011

Celebrating and Looking Forward

Inspired by Robert's NFL rival blog, I thought I'd contribute my own football-related post. Before I go any further, I should probably say, "PONY UP!" As a proud alumna of Southern Methodist University (SMU), I'm always happy to share where I sent to college, but when the SMU Mustangs take down our biggest rivals in football, you can bet that I'll talk about it. For the past century or so, SMU has battled the TCU Horned Frogs for "The Iron Skillet," and this season, that skillet headed back to Dallas (where it belongs).

In a HUGE upset, the Mustangs beat the Horned Frogs 40-33 in overtime to break a four-year losing streak. The past four years have been "rebuilding" years under June Jones, so this win over a quality, ranked opponent was even more significant ... Which is clear since I'm still talking about this game in particular a few weeks later. But this lingering buzz is nothing compared to the roar of attention to SoftLayer's international expansion.

We're not exactly the "underdog" anymore, but October marked a huge step in the growth of our company when our Singapore data center and network points of presence in Tokyo and Hong Kong went live. The SoftLayer passport is starting to fill its pages with stamps.

As we put the finishing touches on Amsterdam, we have Softlayer staff on three continents, so day-to-day operations get a little more complex in some areas of the business. As a member of the social media team, I've been watching the clock a lot more these days ... And that's not to suggest that I'm counting down every day until 5pm (which isn't really a "stop time" for me anyway since social media doesn't turn off at the end of our time zone's business day). What I mean by "watching the clock" is that I've had to start thinking about reaching customers on the other side of the world with relevant SoftLayer messages. I feel like I need five clocks above my desk like what you usually see in newsrooms.

When engaging in the world of social media, timing is everything. Whether it's a matter of coordinating with a press release, trying to reach people in a completely different time zone, or just responding to issues, being where you need to be when you need to be there is 90% of the battle. When you think about it, everything in life comes down to that!

Sometimes events can be planned like SoftLayer's global domination. Others catch you by surprise ... like the SMU Mustang victory. As I get close to my three-month mark as a SLayer, I'm glad I was in the right place at the right time to join the SoftLayer team. I'm excited to see how our business is going to grow, and I'm looking forward to having to invest in more time zone clocks to keep track of the local times in all of our new data center markets.



October 29, 2011

Coworkers and Divisional Rivals: Football at SoftLayer

Cheering for the hometown team has always been interesting at SoftLayer. With U.S. data centers in Dallas, Houston, Washington DC, Seattle and San Jose, the "home team" varies throughout the organization. It's always fun to talk about games with fans when I'm not invested in the outcome of a game outside my favorite team's division ... And when it comes to the NBA (which no longer has a team in Seattle), it's easy to cheer for the teams that other SLayers are cheering for. When the Dallas Mavericks won the NBA Championships, our Dallas techs were going crazy, and their enthusiasm was pretty contagious.

When it comes to NFL football, things are a little different. Prior to the launch of our San Jose facility, supporting each data center's home NFL team with some playful banter was normal. When San Jose came into the mix, that meant we'd have a lot of new employees (Yay!) who are probably going to be fans of my Seahawks' divisional rivals, the San Francisco 49ers (Booo! :-)). Now cheering for games gets a little trickier since we don't want a football-related civil war between offices.

In reality, I'm sure it'll never be an issue, since SLayers are like a big, diverse family ... That being said, I'm glad I wasn't in the office on the Monday after the Seahawks' opening game loss against the 49ers. My California peers would have probably been quick to chat about the game, and I probably wouldn't have wanted to talk about it. It's different for me to have coworkers who are die-hard fans of a rival team due to their geography (and not just because they are a bandwagon fan), and as we keep growing, I'm sure the football support between offices is going to keep getting more and more diverse ... My vote is that we avoid adding a data center in another NFC West rival's market, though.

The interoffice atmosphere is just another reason why I love working for SoftLayer. Our team is so different, but we're united by the common goal of making SoftLayer the best company in the world (for our customers and for our employees). For right now, I'm glad that there aren't as many soccer fans in our halls ... You don't want to see me in my soccer hooligan mode.


October 21, 2011

SoftLayer, The Texas Rangers & The World Series

At the beginning of the baseball season, we gave away tickets for a lucky customer to see a Texas Rangers game, and as a result of that generosity, the Rangers thought it fitting to make it to the World Series. Well ... our little giveaway may not have had anything to do with their success, but we like to think our support helped a little.

Understanding that we have customers and employees who are die-hard St. Louis Cardinals fans, I don't want to turn anyone off with this blog post, but with all of the buzz in the air about the World Series coming back to Arlington this year, I started thinking about the Top 10 Ways SoftLayer is Like the Texas Rangers:

  1. Secret handshakes / fist bumps.
  2. Have a no "I" in "Team" mentality ... In fact, there are no I's in "Texas Rangers" or "SoftLayer."
  3. Teams' leaders (i.e. coach and the CEO) are ... um ... charismatic (to say the least).
  4. Come ready to play on any day that ends in "y."
  5. Strong lineups all the way through.
  6. Texas is home, but both teams do amazing jobs "on the road."
  7. Both have Michaels who like pink.*
  8. Both have Louisville Slugger bats ... The Rangers' bats do great things, while SoftLayer's bats are given to recognize employees that have done great things.
  9. Support is awesome from the customers (fans) to the back office to the team on the field making plays.
  10. Champions of the World, baby!!**

* Apologies to Michael Young, as this statement may not be true as applied to him. Each of my blogs to date has a veiled (or obvious) reference to our CFO, and it was very difficult to think of how to incorporate this reference in a blog dealing with the Texas Rangers, so I may have taken undue liberties for which I apologize.

** The aspirations associated with that last comparison may have strayed me from an unbiased comparison. :-)


October 20, 2011

Taking Multitasking to a New Level

Is it possible to be in three places at once? For SoftLayer it is! Last week was an extremely busy one for the SoftLayer team. SLayers from the marketing and sales teams were dispersed to cover three different trade shows in two separate cities where we'd meet a few thousand soon-to-be SoftLayer customers.

I attended Web 2.0 Expo in NYC – a great event where I was able to once again demystify the SoftLayer Switch Ball and explain the awesomeness of SoftLayer. Nothing too crazy to report from the expo floor, but we did have one interesting experience outside of the event where we witnessed a man sleep while standing up. We don't know how he was able to sleep for over two hours without falling over, but his execution was impressive:

NYC Sleeper

While I was in New York City, cPanel Bootcamp was happening closer to home in Austin, Texas. From what I hear, a second annual rocket war broke out, and our booth was rushed by attendees looking to stock up on ammo.

Just down the street from the cPanel conference, GDC Online was up and running in the Austin Convention Center. This was another awesome event for SoftLayer and once again the Server Challenge was a huge hit:

Congrats to Anthony Pecorella for winning with a time of 1:00.84! We know you'll enjoy your new iPad.

After both show floors closed, attendees from both cPanel Bootcamp and GDC Online joined us for some drinks, food and retro games at Maggie Mae's on Sixth Street. Notable attendees included Mario, Princess Peach and our very own Jeff Reinis who happens to be a 1983 Pac-Man record holder!

If you didn't have a chance to join SoftLayer, CoreSite and TeliaSonera at the Time Warp Retro Gaming Party, you can live vicariously via Flickr:

Thanks to everyone who worked so hard to make sure these three events went off without a hitch, and thanks to all of you who stopped by and said hi! We hope to see you all soon at one of our upcoming events:


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