Posts Tagged 'Funny 2'

April 5, 2013

Server Challenge II Soliloquy: GDC 2013

This guest blog comes to us from one of the most popular members of the SoftLayer trade show team: The SoftLayer + Supermicro Server Challenge II. You've seen our coverage of conference attendees competing to win a MacBook Air, but you've never gotten the story from the Server Challenge's perspective ... until now. We secretly recorded the Server Challenge's introspective reflections on the competition at GDC 2013 to share with the world.

To compete, or not to compete, that is the question ... Or at least the question I see most conference attendees struggle with when they see me. Some people light up with excitement at the sight of me while others turn away in fear, and I've even noticed a few of them start shaking uncontrollably as they recount the years of toil they survived in data centers when they managed server hardware for a living. I don't take it personally, though ... which is fitting because I'm not a person.

I am just a simple server rack with an ambitious purpose. I was made to give conference attendees a tangible, server-related experience when they visit SoftLayer's booth, and I can humbly say that I've served that role faithfully and successfully. As attendees step up before me, they may have never touched a server in their lives, but by the time they finish their first attempt at the competition, that naivete is completely vanquished ... Some even spend hours asking questions and studying strategy about how to most effectively install drive trays and plug in network cables. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if a few of the people reading this post are doing so in preparation for their next attempt.

When I was chosen as one of only a few server racks to don the Server Challenge II moniker, I knew my life would be difficult and dangerous. Luckily, I've been equipped with Supermicro servers that have proven to be even more resilient and durable than my creators would have hoped. While hard drive bays are designed to be hot-swappable, no one could have ever expected those bays would be swapped thousands of times by (often careless) conference attendees, but I haven't needed a single server to be replaced, and my hard drive trays have also held up remarkably well. As I was sleeping last night, I had a flashback to GDC in San Francisco:

It's dizzying to have flashbacks of time-lapse pictures, but those pictures painted a pretty accurate picture of what a single day of competition looks like for me. It's clear that I'm serving my purpose when I see crowds of attendees looking on as competitors set amazingly fast times. As I hear the conversations about strategies and techniques that might shave tenths or hundredths of seconds off the next attempt, I stand a little taller and play my 8-bit music a little louder.

I am the Server Challenge II ... Who's next?

-The Server Challenge II

February 27, 2013

The Three Most Common Hosting-Related Phobias

As a member of the illustrious the SoftLayer sales (SLales) team, I have the daily pleasure of talking with any number of potential, prospective, new and current customers, and in many of those conversations, I've picked up on a fairly common theme: FEAR. Now we're not talking about lachanophobia (fear of vegetables) or nomophobia (fear of losing cell phone contact) here ... We're talking about fear that paralyzes users and holds them captive — effectively preventing their growth and limiting their business's potential. Fear is a disease.

I've created my own little naming convention for the top three most common phobias I hear from users as they consider making changes to their hosting environments:

1. Pessimisobia
This phobia is best summarized by the saying, "Better the devil you know than the devil you don't." Users with this phobia could suffer from frequent downtime, a lack of responsive support and long term commitment contracts, but their service is a known quantity. What if a different provider is even worse? If you don't suffer from pessimisobia, this phobia probably seems silly, but it's very evident in many of the conversations I have.

2. Whizkiditus
This affliction is particularly prevalent in established companies. Symptoms of this phobia include recurring discomfort associated with the thought of learning a new management system or deviating from a platform where users have become experts. There's an efficiency to being comfortable with how a particular platform works, but the ceiling to that efficiency is the platform itself. Users with whizkiditus might not admit it, but the biggest reason they shy away from change is that they are afraid of losing the familiarity they've built with their old systems over the years ... even if that means staying on a platform that prohibits scale and growth.

3. Everythingluenza
In order to illustrate this phobia of compartmentalizing projects to phase in changes, let's look at a little scenario:

I host all of my applications at Company 1. I want to move Application A to the more-qualified Company 2, but if I do that, I'll have to move Applications B through Z to Company 2 also. All of that work would be too time-consuming and cumbersome, so I won't change anything.

It's easy to get overwhelmed when considering a change of cloud hosting for any piece of your business, and it's even more intimidating when you feel like it has to be an "all or nothing" decision.

Unless you are afflicted with euphobia (the fear of hearing good news), you'll be happy to hear that these common fears, once properly diagnosed, are quickly and easily curable on the SoftLayer platform. There are no known side effects from treatment, and patients experience immediate symptom relief with a full recovery in between 1-3 months.

This might be a lighthearted look at some quirky fears, but I don't want to downplay how significant these phobias are to the developers and entrepreneurs that suffer from them. If any of these fears strike a chord with you, reach out to the SLales team (by phone, chat or email), and we'll help you create a treatment plan. Once you address and conquer these fears, you can devote all of your energy back to getting over your selenophobia (fear of the moon).

-Arielle

Categories: 
March 7, 2012

"That Cloudamajigger Thing"

At my house, we share a single iTunes account because as much as I hate to admit it ... I listen to the same music as my 11-year-old on occasion, so why buy the same music twice? I have my iPhone setup to automatically sync via any wireless connection, so I occasionally get new apps when someone else in the house downloads something.

Last week, my 8-year-old handed me his iPod and said, "Dad, can you enter the password so I can install BloodnGuns?" No way. He went through three or four reasons that he thought he needed the game, and I just went about my business. A couple of minutes later, he hands me the iPod again and says, "Dad, can you enter the password so I can install Temple Run?" Being a much tamer game, I said I would, but (knowing my son) I followed that up by saying, "Just remember: Anything you install goes to my iPhone, too." If I entered the password for him for Temple Run, he would be authenticated and could then get BloodnGuns, so I just wanted to remind him that I was born at night, not last night.

The sneaky little guy looked up to me and grinned, "Oh yea, 'cuz of that cloudamajigger thing."

Once I finished laughing, I asked him what he meant by Cloudamajigger, and before he could answer, I told him to wait ... I wanted to document how he would describe "The Cloud." With two other kids at home, I thought it might be an interesting focus group of the way kids are learning about technology, so I made it a family project.

I asked each of them three questions and told them to email their answers to me"

  1. What is "The Cloud?"
  2. Where does "The Cloud" live?
  3. What is SoftLayer?

Here are the responses:

The 6-year-old

  1. The cloud shoots out a ball and the cloud is awesome!
  2. In the sky. It is made out of water.
  3. Where dad works, I think he makes monitors.

The 8-year-old

  1. It's a cloud in the sky and they shot a satellite in it. And they could see all the things you need to see on the internet.
  2. See number 1 (Yes, he really typed that).
  3. Where dad works, he works to make the Internet, and the Internet makes him work.

The 11-year-old

  1. It is a group of people where when you post something everyone will be able to see it.
  2. I don't know.
  3. A company.

You can see that the 11-year-old is darn close to those wonderful teenage years with that loquacious participation ... Wish me luck!

I ask these same questions of people at conferences I attend and get generally the same answers as above. We can write reams of descriptions of the cloud, but in my world, it's simply "The Cloudamajigger Thing."

How would you answer those three questions?

-@Skinman454

December 25, 2011

SoftLayer's 12 Days of Christmas

If you're just joining us, you may have missed our remixes of "SoftLayer is Coming to Town" and "Go Tell it on the Mountain" ... Both of which would be flying off the shelves these days (if our blog had shelves). In an effort to fill up some more space on a SoftLayer-only Christmas CD (and of course help rocket ourselves to a Bieber-level of fame), we've re-written the lyrics to The Twelve Days of Christmas and added a touch of SL style.

Given the festiveness of the season, we couldn't just post the lyrics for this song, so I walked around our Dallas office to capture a few SLayers delivering each one of the lines. When you click the play button, keep an eye/ear out to pinpoint which of our very own SLayers is a trained opera singer.

As our present to you, please enjoy SoftLayer's 12 Days of Christmas:

If you want to sing along, we have the lyrics below for each day ... If you know the format of the song, it can be pretty repetitive, so I'll just give you the list from the twelfth day and you can read from the bottom as the video is playing:

SoftLayer's 12 Days of Christmas (Twelfth Day)

On the twelfth day of Christmas, SoftLayer gave to me:
Twelve sticks of RAM,
Eleven CCIs,
Ten Gig connections,
Nine feet of cable,
Eight IP addresses,
Seven extra hard drives,
Six disk partitions,
Five-minute cloud provisioning,
Four hypervisor options,
Three network layers,
Two SSDs,
And a server chassis customized for me!

Thank you to all of the SLayers who participated in this video and we hope you had as many laughs watching this as we did filming. :-)

Merry Christmas!

-Summer

Categories: 
December 6, 2011

Go, Tell it on the Mountain

Because SoftLayer is now a global hosting company and the holidays are upon us, I thought I'd tweak another Christmas classic with some SoftLayer-specific content ... We're going to need a few more tracks to add to SoftLayer is Coming to Town if we hope to compile an album that'll compete with Justin Bieber.

Go, Tell it on the Mountain

While SLayers kept their watching
O'er customer servers by night,
Another DC opened,
and SoftLayer's now worldwide.

Go, tell it on Facebook
Over on Reddit and everywhere
Go, tell it on LinkedIn
That SoftLayer hosts your site!

Our competitors feared and trembled
When lo! around the earth
Rang out the three bars chorus
That hailed of SoftLayer's worth.

Go, tell it on Facebook
Over on Reddit and everywhere
Go, tell it on LinkedIn
That SoftLayer hosts your site!

From in a lowly basement
Our humble business came;
Innovation and Automation
Would change the hosting game.

Go, tell it on Facebook
Over on Reddit and everywhere
Go, tell it on LinkedIn
That SoftLayer hosts your site!

Before I was a SLayer
I searched both day and night
For a company that was perfect,
And SoftLayer turned out right.

Go, tell it on Facebook
Over on Reddit and everywhere
Go, tell it on LinkedIn
That SoftLayer hosts your site!

I was made a SLayer
A few short years ago,
And since I joined SoftLayer
I've seen us really grow, sooooo...

Go, tell it on Facebook
Over on Reddit and everywhere
Go, tell it on LinkedIn
That SoftLayer hosts your site!

If you sing this carol in front of the house of one of our 26,000+ customers, I can almost guarantee that you'll be invited in for hot chocolate ... Or they'll think you're a crazy stalker because you know about their hosting provider, and they'll call the police.

Either way, thanks for "listening"!

-Natalie

October 21, 2011

SoftLayer, The Texas Rangers & The World Series

At the beginning of the baseball season, we gave away tickets for a lucky customer to see a Texas Rangers game, and as a result of that generosity, the Rangers thought it fitting to make it to the World Series. Well ... our little giveaway may not have had anything to do with their success, but we like to think our support helped a little.

Understanding that we have customers and employees who are die-hard St. Louis Cardinals fans, I don't want to turn anyone off with this blog post, but with all of the buzz in the air about the World Series coming back to Arlington this year, I started thinking about the Top 10 Ways SoftLayer is Like the Texas Rangers:

  1. Secret handshakes / fist bumps.
  2. Have a no "I" in "Team" mentality ... In fact, there are no I's in "Texas Rangers" or "SoftLayer."
  3. Teams' leaders (i.e. coach and the CEO) are ... um ... charismatic (to say the least).
  4. Come ready to play on any day that ends in "y."
  5. Strong lineups all the way through.
  6. Texas is home, but both teams do amazing jobs "on the road."
  7. Both have Michaels who like pink.*
  8. Both have Louisville Slugger bats ... The Rangers' bats do great things, while SoftLayer's bats are given to recognize employees that have done great things.
  9. Support is awesome from the customers (fans) to the back office to the team on the field making plays.
  10. Champions of the World, baby!!**

* Apologies to Michael Young, as this statement may not be true as applied to him. Each of my blogs to date has a veiled (or obvious) reference to our CFO, and it was very difficult to think of how to incorporate this reference in a blog dealing with the Texas Rangers, so I may have taken undue liberties for which I apologize.

** The aspirations associated with that last comparison may have strayed me from an unbiased comparison. :-)

-@badvizsla

October 15, 2011

Lower Latency: Neutrino Network?

SoftLayer is on the "bleeding edge" of technology, and that's right where I'm comfortable. I love being a part of something new and relevant. I also love science fiction and find that it's mixing together with reality more and more these days. Yay for me and my nerdyness! Beam me up Luke Skywalker! (I wonder how many nerds cringed at that statement!)

In a recent post from New Scientist, a test showed neutrino particles being clocked faster than the speed of light, and a dimension-hop might be the reason. Rather than go into the nerdy parts of the article that I'm sure you read before continuing to this sentence, I want to compare how SoftLayer would use this to our (and more importantly our customers') advantage: A neutrino network! We could have the fastest network in the world, and we could use the technology for faster motherboards and components too. Because that's how we roll.

BanzaiEnter science fiction. Let's say neutrinos were indeed using another dimension to travel. Like, say, the 8th dimension as referred to in "The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension." This dimension also happens to be a prison used by the Lectroids of Planet 10 to store criminals. Go figure, right? Obstacles always come up, so if our neutrino network was targeted by those Lectroids, Dody Lira and the abuse team would have no problems taking them down ... After all, Lectroid's fiddling with data can be bad for business (Not to mention the possibility of Lectroid's using our network to come back to this dimension, wreak havoc, and eat all our junk food). Dody would have to upgrade some of the tools his team uses, like a Jet Car with an "Oscillation Overthruster" (which looks eerily similar to the Flux Capacitor) to travel in and out of the 8th dimension to hunt down those pesky Lectroids that won't comply.

Then, after Dody and crew wrangle the Lectroids (as I'm sure they would), we could offer the Lectroids email and Internet service. Bam! More customers on top of a supernatural network!

Coming back to reality (a bit), we have an interesting world ahead of us. Technologies we have only seen in movies and some we haven't even imagined yet are becoming reality! If they fall into the usable realm of SoftLayer, you can bet we'll be one of the first to share them with the world. But not before we get all the bugs (and Lectroids) out.

-Brad

October 2, 2011

SoftLayer is Coming to Town

As many of you know SoftLayer is going global. Our Singapore DC goes live TOMORROW, and Amsterdam will follow suit shortly, so we put together a little "jingle" that I think you might know. It might be September, but if the stores are already putting out holiday items, Christmas songs should be fair game in October ... And since we are entering that last stretch of work before those great end-of-the-year national holidays that give us a few days off, we can use a classic tune to help us power through.

To those of you who love the song, "Santa Claus is Coming to Town," you may not want to play the video below. To those who want to rubberneck at our goofiness and join us in a little fun ... play away:

If you want to sing along at home (because who wouldn't?), here are the lyrics for your karaoke pleasure:

SoftLayer is Coming to Town

You better watch out!
Competitors cry!
They're gonna pout
I'm telling you why,
SoftLayer is comin' to town

We're setting up racks
and hiring staff
We're gonna open up our Singapore branch
SoftLayer is comin to town

We're not only in Asia
We'll be in Europe too
We know that you've been waiting for this
So don't miss our big debut.

You better watch out!
Competitors cry!
They're gonna pout
I'm telling you why,
SoftLayer is comin' to town.

With two data centers and two network PoPs
Shiny new servers and cables wired up
SoftLayer is comin' to town.

DC CRAC Units that condition and cool,
Power and network in the SoftLayer Pods too.
SoftLayer is comin' to town.

The SLayers and our clients
will have to celebrate.
We're expanding SoftLayer's footprint,
Far beyond the United States.

You better watch out!
Competitors cry!
They're gonna pout,
I'm telling you why,
SoftLayer is coming to town.

Shout-outs go to all the SLayers who indulged us in this little song. We hope it's less embarrassing than you expected ... And if it's more embarrassing, we hope it's as terrible and catchy as "Friday."

Tip: If the song is stuck in your head now, one great way to distract yourself from it is to go and order a server in Singapore!

-@SKinman454

October 1, 2011

Spam All Day, Bacon All Night

As the "abuse guy," I deal with all kinds of abuse issues, and as you would imagine, SPAM is the primary point of concern. You'd probably think that dealing with spam ALLLLLL day every day would make most meat products sound unappealing, but there's one that'll never get on my bad side.

Bacon ... wrapped around random slices of meat.

Bacon Blog

Now, I could draw a comparison with bacon and a server and tell you that bacon is a mandatory component of any good breakfast, the way memory is to a server is key, but I won't. I'd rather get right to my point: Bacon, make everything better!

And when its wrapped around another piece of meat, it's like it marries the meat and they combine during the grilling process and make some sort of new flavorful offspring full of taste, combining the amazing taste of bacon with the inferior yet still good taste of the meat it's wrapped around!

But wait, there's more. Bacon also wraps nicely around chicken and cheese stuffed jalapenos, bringing a unique taste of crunchy jalapeno, melted cheese, moist chicken, and of course MORE BACON.

You should really try this at your next party. It's not hard to do. You need (1) Bacon, (2) Something to wrap it around and (3) Toothpicks. I usually cook the "wrappee" to the point where it's almost ready to eat before adding the wrapper so the bacon is perfectly cooked at the same time the internal meat is ready to eat.*

The best thing about bacon is there are sooo many choices, from kinds of bacon to available brands. Some bacon is thin, and some is thick. Some bacon is cured and some is smoked. The choice is really yours. And you can't go wrong! (Well, if you don't know what you're getting into, you might go wrong with tofu bacon and other types of fake bacon -aka- facon)

- Dody

*One note to keep in mind and this is VERY important. Bacon tends to be greasy and fatty and if you're grilling bacon over an open flame, the chances that the grease from the bacon will drip down and catch the area it lands in on fire are very ... no EXTREMELY likely and dangerous. The result could be the loss of a lot of arm hair.

Categories: 
September 19, 2011

Tips for the Unseasoned Traveler

This year has been exciting for me at SoftLayer. I took on a new role here as a member of our marketing team, and in that role, I've played a big role in our trade shows. We participate in a huge number of trade shows each year, and I've been lucky enough to meet thousands of current and (hopefully) future SoftLayer customers. To give you an idea of how often I'm on the road, I probably spend about 2-3 weeks each month away from home ... And that means I am in airports all the time.

I happen to be one of those weirdos that actually enjoys traveling, but honestly, the travel experience at airports and on planes can be pretty annoying at times, so I thought I'd put together some traveling tips before my next trip so I can hand out the URL when I see violations. Here's the short list of tips I've come up with in my travels:

At the Airport

  • When going through security do not choose the “Expert Traveler” line if you are not an expert. The experts will know you don't belong, and we will sneer at you.
  • The security line is not the time to make jokes on terrorism. In fact, there's never a good time to make jokes about terrorism, especially at an airport.
  • If you are selected for random screening, please do not throw a fit. The officer doing the pat down probably isn't trying to make a pass at you and hates the process just as much as you do.
  • If your boarding pass says Group 5 there is no point in huddling near the boarding area when the airline representative has called Group 1. You are the reason the boarding process is moving slowly.

Boarding the Plane

  • When the flight attendant announces that everyone should move into their row so other passengers can get by you, he/she is probably talking about you.
  • If you have a small enough bag to place under the seat in front of you, please do so. There is a person in Group 6 with a full size carry-on bag that would rather not have to check his bag because your shopping bag is taking up his valuable space.
  • If you are seated in the back of the aircraft, don't place your bag up in the front bin just so you do not have to roll it to the back. The people sitting in the front of the plane would rather not have to wait for everyone to get off the plane so they can walk to the very back to retrieve their bag.

On the Plane

  • You aren't fooling anyone by trying to hide your cell phone between your knees after the cabin door closes.
  • If the person next to you puts on their headphones it probably means they are not interested in having a flight long conversation about your life.
  • Please don't get mad at me if I decide to put my seat back. If you need more legroom, spring for First Class or at least an exit row. If you absolutely need me to stay upright, ask me nicely, and you'll have a lot better chance that I'll be able to help you out.
  • I got the window seat so I wouldn't have to get up if someone next to me needed to get into the aisle ... You got the aisle seat with a little extra room, so please don't have an attitude if I need you to move to get into the aisle. That's the tradeoff.
  • Yes, the armrest is shared, so you have a right to half of it ... This means that if your arm is on my half of the armrest and you're in my personal space, we have a problem.
  • If you decide to talk to the person sitting next to you on the flight, please keep your voice down. People five rows behind you are not interested in your conversation.

And lastly ...

  • Do not eat foods that may make you gassy before you travel. Passing gas in a plane where air is re-circulated is not cool.

Safe travels!

-Summer

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