Posts Tagged 'Funny 2'

December 23, 2009

He Can Eat How Many Chipotle Burrito’s???!!!

You’ve all heard how great it is to work for an innovative and cutting edge company from other staff, so I won’t bore you with things you already know. Let’s talk SL culture a bit; let’s get into the real “meat” of what motivates and fuels the staff on a day to day basis—the Dallas NOC staff specifically. It’s a bunch of dudes and me, the only chick. Yes, I am brave… very, very brave!

Blue1

We like to eat, if you didn’t already know. Our own CTO, Sam Fleitman, actually competes in BBQ contests. We are his sponsor; go 3 Bars BBQ (best ribs you will ever eat)! Work hard, play harder, eat like pigs (and eat pigs too, we love bacon), that’s what we know and love! On this particular day, I decided to go pick up Chipotle for anyone who wanted some. Chris “Mank” Menard was goofin’ on William “Blue” Spencer; and, somehow it was decided that if Blue could eat 3 Chipotle burrito’s in under an hour, we’d all chip in and pay for his lunch. Blue can be somewhat of a braggart, so everyone was into it. Little did we know…

Blue2

He began on his first one, polishing the puppy off in around 3 minutes flat.

Let me be sure you understand and know the Chipotle burrito. These things are packed full: meat, rice, beans, cheese, sour cream, salsa, lettuce; they are a good 1-2 pounds each I’d imagine.

He starts the second one, and this is where we all think he’s going to slow down. That first one was a breeze, but the rice should start to expand in his stomach within no time. Wrong again, this one went down just as easily, but he decided to take a bit more time. This one clocked in at 3 minutes, 30 seconds. Although he was admittedly full, as you can see from his expression, he forged on…

Blue3

Blue took a brief break, to let it all settle in before the 3rd and final burrito, but only to have some Mt. Dew and mess with our minds. We knew we’d be buying those burritos, especially when he decided to toy with all of us with this pose. Yes folks, that is the 3rd one, almost gone.

Blue4

The 3rd was downed in about 4 minutes 15 seconds and that was only because he was having too much fun messing around with us, as we stood on the other side of the table in amazement, horror, and total disbelief. The guy is an eating machine!
We even got our next order free, thanks to the Manager at Chipotle (around $150). When I picked up the order, she asked why there were 3 for Blue, I explained the situation; she loved it and told me that if he did it, to give her a call and the next lunch order was on her! So, I kindly gave her a ring; and, the following week, we got lunch paid for completely!

Blue5

Thanks for entertaining us Blue! What’s next? It’s been long enough…Hopefully you will be reading another blog soon, with another meat-tastic challenge!

December 11, 2009

Newly Married

So, for those of you who don’t know, I just got married. It was awesome. It happened on the 21st of November in Tulsa. Mandy and I got a chance to see a bunch of our college friends that we have not seen in a long time. Two weeks have passed, and we are still getting phone calls from different people telling us stories about the night. Everything went well, and now we are back in Dallas living the married life.

The thing that I want to talk about is the fact that Mandy changed her last name to Collins. This concept raised a memory of mine from childhood. When I was about 7 or 8 years old, I woke up one day and walked into our family’s living room. My immediate family was there, plus some cousins, uncles etc. They were all over to watch some football.

Well, I made an entrance and just yelled, “I HATE MY NAME! Cody is a stupid name and I do not want to be called this anymore!!!” Then, I ran out of the room to ponder what name I should be called from this point on…

About two minutes later, I came up with my new name. I was set on it. For sure, this was going to be my name! I ran back into the living room and said, “I will no longer respond to people when they call me ‘Cody’. I will only respond if I am called ‘William’!”

So the day went on, and I stayed strong. I would not respond to my brother, sister, mom, dad, or anyone that was over at our house if they called me by my “old name”. So, people ended up giving in and started calling me William for the day. Then the night came, and I became upset and cried to my parents. “I don’t want to be William. I want to be Cody again,” and I ran into my bedroom and went to sleep.

Well, that was my story, and the point is… I hope Mandy is happy with her new last name! I guess she has no choice. Haha. She’s stuck with it!

Categories: 
December 1, 2009

Holiday Seasons and Holiday Shopping

It’s that time of year again. No, not time to spread joy and cheer to your family (it can be that, too), but rather the time of waiting in long lines when it’s freezing outside hoping to get a good deal or the perfect gift. It’s the holiday shopping season. With the holiday shopping season comes the holiday “holy cow it’s freezing cold out here” or the holiday “hey! that person just cut in line” season as well. Of course, one thing people need to remember this time of year is that it’s not about the shopping and spending money (Money? What money?) but rather it’s about spending time with family and looking back at the year that has passed. Of course, retailers and scammers would like you to think otherwise. They’re trying their hardest to get you to part with your hard earned money. What does this mean to you? It means that you have to watch out who you’re buying from and what websites you are giving your personal information to. This is the perfect season for scammers to get your grandparents to give up their personal information (and with it everything in their bank accounts). Of course, this is easily avoided. Most reputable websites will have SSL certificates from a reputable vendor. Being a customer of SoftLayer you are already aware of a (fairly) new service we offer… A short while back SoftLayer began to offer VeriSign and GeoTrust SSL certificates (for more information: http://www.softlayer.com/partners_geotrust.html). Simply making sure that the site you are buying from has a certificate installed like the ones we offer will help ensure that your information isn’t going to some thief hiding in his basement. What’s the moral of this story? (All Holiday stories have a moral…) Stay safe, be careful, and enjoy the holidays!

November 20, 2009

The Art of the Apology

I wrote a blog but it got ixnayed by legal. (That should be funny because I am “legal.” At this time I shall choose to remain cryptic, but as God is my witness, I’ll publish that blog someday after X, Y, and Z happens). Now, where was I – ah, yes, a new and different blog.

Today, boys and girls, we shall talk about the art of the apology. Since we were little, we’ve been taught to say “sorry.” (Well, most of us, but maybe not he whose names starts with J and ends in O-N-E-S, but I digress again). “Little Johnny, say sorry to your sister for bonking her on the head.” And Little Johnny will usually say sorry to avoid your wrath, rather than actually being sorry for the head bonking. This is the first lesson in the art of the apology – make sure it is sincere and that you mean it. Otherwise, it is really better if you say nothing at all. Maybe wait until it can become sincere, and if it can never become sincere, go back to step one and don’t say anything at all. The Boy often gets in trouble for head bonkings and other various and sundry misdeeds committed upon The Girl. He gets sent to time-out and then is supposed to apologize to The Girl. More often than not The Boy gets extremely defiant and grunts out a “sor-ry” as belligerently as he can. This only serves to piss The Mommy off and gets The Boy in even more trouble. (Can I use that word?) The takeaway on this is that The Boy needs to say sorry like he means it, or not bother getting out of time-out until he can do so. Another example of an apology that is better left unsaid is the disingenuous-apology-that-is-really-not-an-apology apology. Example: “I’m sorry you are an idiot, but….” Go back to time-out!!

Often a simple, sincere heart-felt apology can go a long way towards diffusing a situation that might otherwise result in hurt feelings, anger, and bitterness or, in my world, lawsuits. Maybe a manager loses his/her cool with an employee in one of the many stressful situations we face on a daily basis. When the manager calms down, an apology may be the cure to a situation that might later spiral out of control and explode. Maybe you have two feuding employees – an apology by one or both parties may be all it takes to turn a situation that may have resulted in a termination or two into one in which the working relationship is restored. This might involve a situation with your co-worker, your friend, your spouse or a client. Many times what happens is that we want to be right, rather than do what’s right. A meaningful apology to a client might save a $30,000/month account, but dad gummit, you are right and the client is wrong and they are an idiot and you are not. All of that may be true, but is it worth it? Is it really, really worth it? Is it worth that account? Is it worth that friendship? Is it worth your job? Is it worth that marriage?

Here, let me practice: “Mike, I am sorry you are mean and that I implied your upbringing was nothing less than stellar…..” Alright, alright – I’ll keep practicing.

*Note: This blog was inspired by the esteemed labor and employment lawyer Michael Maslanka and one of his recent blogs at http://texaslawyer.typepad.com/work_matters/2009/10/rudeness-and-resulting-resentment-can-foster-cheating.html, which I forwarded to our managers for their digestion.

I deeply and sincerely apologize in advance for any copyright infringement or any other legal no-no’s in my blog.

Categories: 
November 16, 2009

How Many Recovery Plans Do We Need?

Several of our bloggers have written about backups in The InnerLayer. This morning, I had an experience that makes me wonder how many recovery plans we need.

I walked out of the house to the driveway and saw that my left rear tire was flat. An enormous nail had punctured my tire right in the middle of the tread, and the slow leak deflated the tire overnight. To recover from this disaster, I needed to get my vehicle drivable and get to the Discount Tire location near my house so that they could fix the flat. Below is a log of how the recovery plans worked out.

Recovery Plan #1: Call roadside assistance. While waiting on them to change my tire, logon from home and get some work done before going to Discount Tire. I have leased four different brands of vehicles over the past 10 years, and roadside assistance was always included with the lease. So I call the 800 number and they tell me I don’t have roadside assistance. (Note to self: read the fine print on the next lease.) Result: FAIL

Recovery Plan #2: Inflate tire with can of Fix-a-Flat. I retrieved the can from my garage, followed the instructions, and when I depressed the button to fill the tire, the can was defective and the contents spewed from the top of the can rather than filling the tire. Result: FAIL

Recovery Plan #3: Use foot operated bicycle pump to inflate tire and drive to Discount Tire. I have actually done this successfully before with slow leaks like this one. It is third in priority because it is harder and more tiring than the first two options. So I go to my garage and look at where the pump is stored. It isn’t there. I scour the garage to find it. It is gone. Result: FAIL

Recovery Plan #4: Change out of office clothes into junky clothes, drag out the jack and spare and change the tire myself. This is number four in priority because it is the biggest hassle. I will spare you all the slapstick comedy of a finance guy jacking up a vehicle and changing the tire (finding the special key for the locking lug nuts was an interesting sub-plot to the whole story), so I’ll summarize and say RESULT: Success!

As a side note, I must give props to Discount Tire. Having bought tires there before, I was in their database as a customer and they fixed the flat and installed it on my vehicle for no charge. I recommend them!

All this got me to thinking about not only having backups, but having redundant recovery plans. Sure, you’ve got a recent copy of all your data – that’s great! Now, what’s your plan for restoring that data? If you have an experience like my flat tire recovery this morning, it might be a good idea to think through several ways to recover and restore the data. Our EVault offering will certainly be one good strategy.

November 9, 2009

Outstanding Tech Recognition: Destroyer Droid

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away… our hero Romeo R., SoftLayer CSA was battling an endless sea of support tickets…

Ok so maybe it’s not that dramatic, but I was recently rewarded the Destroyer Droid award from our management team! In case you didn’t see the original post here it is:

http://theinnerlayer.softlayer.com/2009/outstanding-tech-recognition-droid-awards/

I’ve written two other blogs on TheInnerLayer but there was one in particular that I think brings me to where I am today, it was entitled “What it’s like to be a Datacenter Technician”. Today I am a shift lead for our Dallas Support Staff. In my previous blog I mentioned how DC techs wore several different hats (Hardware Engineer, Network Support, and System Admin) at any given time and we have to always be on our toes. Now being a Shift Lead of course, I still get to do all the fun stuff a Datacenter Tech gets to do, but now I have more focus on how to get all of the above working together and more efficiently.

Enter Destroyer Droid:

Getting more into the management side of things is an entirely different monster; you have all of your previous duties plus the duties of setting up the flow of work for the day. It’s given me an entirely different mindset on how SoftLayer works and what it takes to be successful. It can be quite the handful on some occasions, but I enjoy coming to work every day because of the challenge and the people I get to work with. I think whenever someone in a Shift Lead type of position receives an award it is a direct reflection of how the team as a whole is performing, and it wouldn’t be possible unless every single tech was on their game. If you’re reading this and your boss/manager does something similar to our recognition awards let me know in the comments!

Now if I could only get the guys to stop calling me the destroyer…

Categories: 
October 26, 2009

Dickies, Abercrombie & Fitch, Gap…SoftLayer?

Is there anything SoftLayer can't do!!?? Of course not! It seems every day I come to work there is something new that we are offering. Today, I came in ready to read up on any new products we might have released, and to my surprise, we now have a clothing line! Can you believe it!? SoftLayer now has clothing for employees. This includes everything from sweatshirts, to polo's, to t-shirts, to hats, to specialized shirts, including workout shirts. I must say I find the workout shirts ironic considering the number of employees that actually workout. I believe the number is 3...oh wait...maybe 4. I'm not sure how many golfers we have, but the ones who do golf will look good in their SL gear. I hope the SoftLayer clothing line is opened up to the public soon as I would love to see my company represented in the mall by a random “Joe” who appreciated an amazing company. It is truly exciting seeing a company go from several employees in a "closet" and one server room, to a huge entity with a multitude of server rooms, multiple datacenters in multiple locations, a huge array offerings, a cutting edge mentality, a solid track record, a commitment to be the best in the business, and yes, now offers a clothing line. SoftLayer has taken a huge bite out of the on-demand data center and hosting industry and continues to hunger for more. I guess now is the time to put the top clothing manufacturers on notice as SoftLayer is comin' for ya!

September 4, 2009

First Grade

Some of you know that it is now “back to school” time. Those of you who don’t know are the ones who are still probably able to attend happy hours. (Our esteemed CFO may not know, but only because he’s had lots of birthdays. I’m not saying he’s addled. I’m just saying.) Nearly everyone has heard of, if not read, the book “All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten” by Robert Fulghum. This blog is kind of a take on that, but since The Boy just started First Grade, these are things of relevance we’ve learned about the rules and such for First Grade and that can be applied to things here at the ‘Layer.

So The Boy has tickets in First Grade, and if he’s bad – he’s got to pull a ticket and put it in a jar. Sounds like, the fewer tickets, the better. Kind of like here at SoftLayer, from our standpoint you don’t want to have to have a bunch of tickets to plow through. From a client standpoint, you certainly don’t want to have a bunch of tickets, especially from abuse, or you might get your server pulled. The lesson to be learned is to do what you can to keep those tickets at a minimum.

This year in First Grade, there are a bunch of boys, including The Boy. At the parent meeting after the second day of school, the two first grade teachers were explaining that because of the more than 2:1 ratio of boys to girls, the restroom breaks could be a potential nightmare. The uniforms have belts and shorts with buttons and zippers. The teachers said it takes forever for them to go, and they wanted the parents to tell their Boy that he needs to be able to, ah, how do we say it? Well, he needs to be able to whip it out, put it away and go. No smacking other bottoms and goofing off and giggling. Here at SoftLayer, we often have crazy deadlines, for example in development, which requires us to whip out some new technology on an expeditious basis. Just like First Grade, whip it out, put it away, and go on to the next project. (Unlike First Grade, there is lots of goofing off here at SoftLayer, such as with 10,000 bouncy balls and such. Since I’m in legal, if there is any smacking of bottoms, neither I nor HR want to hear about it. Lalalalala, Lalalala…)

One of the guys wrote a blog earlier this summer pondering if the things you learned in college are applicable to the “real world.” His conclusion was yes. My blog further confirms that the things you learn in First Grade are applicable to the “real world.” Here’s hoping The Boy can go 15 days without getting his ticket pulled, because if he does he gets some Krispy Kreme “football” donuts. And if The Boy gets some “football” donuts, that means The Mommy gets some, too.

August 5, 2009

SLales Motivation 101

We have a pretty good sales team here at SoftLayer, quite honestly I couldn’t ask for a better group than the one we have.  It’s pretty common for us to have various sales contests and awards to keep the team motivated and focused in the right direction, however last month I decided to try something a little different.  Lance and I set a pretty lofty sales goal for the team (one I didn’t really think they would achieve), and told them that if they reached the goal I would shave my head completely bald.

As the month progressed, I began to realize the genius of this contest.  The team was focused, driven by the desire to see their boss publically humiliated.  SLales worked extra hours, came in early, stayed late, made calls, sent emails, followed up every lead, they did everything possible to exceed the goal.  Looking back on it as their manager, it was a beautiful thing to watch and I’ve never been more proud of my team.

It ended up being close (down to the final hours on Friday actually).  However, SLales stepped up to the plate and met the challenge.  They worked together like a well oiled machine and overcame numerous obstacles, with the singular vision of seeing their boss embarrassed.  They succeeded as a team, and here is the payoff:

July 10, 2009

The Kinmans are Taking Over

Yeah, it’s official…we have another one: me, even though I’m only a summer intern. The day after my 16th birthday couldn’t have been a better opportunity for me to begin my quest for company domination. Well, I think that will come later.

Anyway, it is my first job at my first company, ever. Softlayer’s really nice. They paid me one hour’s wages for sitting in a conference room and filling out a frightening mountain of paperwork (OK, well, maybe it was more like 5 or 6 forms), and again another day for visiting a few datacenter rooms in the Infomart (I think it was compensation for hearing damage from the noise in the rooms). Michael Scott would have scoffed and turned his empty pockets inside out. Anyway, my point is to tell you that the Kinman clan is taking over Softlayer.

Yep, you got that right.

Steve has 4 kids who will probably grow up and get promoted to manage some section of the company each. Gary’s kid (me) already has a spot, and I’m up to my ears in details about servers, processors, RAM, disk drives, routers, switches, fiber, etc. Heck, maybe Mama Carol and Papa Willie will come back out of retirement to work here too. Oh and Steve’s wife and my mom and…well, you get the idea. If your name is Kinman, you’re gonna work at Softlayer, whether you like it or not.

Someday, you’re gonna wake up in some kind of cubicle in a building on International Parkway and you’re gonna wonder how the heck you ended up there. And HR is just gonna tell you, “Well…your last name IS Kinman…” They may have to stop paying us to fill out forms to keep from going bankrupt because there’s gonna be so many of us. With that in mind, I’d say that the average current non-Kinman Softlayer employee has about three years, plus-or-minus, before the co-worker next to them is, you guessed it, a Kinman. Wow. Congrats Carol and Willie.

…just kidding. But speculation is fun, right? Until it actually happens. Muahahahahaha.

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