As I carefully opened the trunks, to my amazement, I came across loads of books from the sixteenth and seventeenth centuries. Among the apothecary books and alchemy texts, I made an amazing discovery: a few pages of Shakespearean literature that seem to have been written anachronistically about SoftLayer Alpha headquarters:

‘Tis but thy name that is my mystery;
Thou art thyself, though not a meeting room.
What’s a meeting room? It is not hand nor foot,
Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part
Belonging to a man. O, be some other name!
What’s in a name? That which we call a conference room
By any other name would be as productive;
So Sharkbyte would, were it not called Sharkbyte call’d,
Retain that dear perfection which it owes
Without that title. Sharkbyte, doff thy name,
And for that name which is no part of thee
Host productive meetings.

Now I’m not suggesting that Bill Shakespeare set out to write an epic play about our facility that just wound up being Romeo and Juliet, but since the date in the corner of one of the pages was “1593,” I wouldn’t be surprised. In a flash of clairvoyance, he saw into the future and puzzled over the curious names outside each of our conference rooms … Only to come to the conclusion that while the names didn’t define the rooms, those rooms would still be phenomenally productive.

Switch a few words in that original text, and you’ve got yourself one of the most famous scenes in Romeo and Juliet. No big deal.

What were these curious names? See for yourself:

SLayer, SLacker, Unicorn, 3 Bars, 204A, Funky Truck … The narrative wasn’t clear to him at the time, but they all have a special meaning and fit into a bigger plan. Here is a full list of the Alpha conference room names:

• SLales
• CBNO
• Geneous
• Unicorn
• Automation
• Innovation
• 204A
• SLacker
• Pink
• 3 Bars
• SLayer
• Funky Truck
• 05-05-05
• Muenster
• Midway
• Sharkbyte

Flex your own ESP muscles and post a comment with what you think each of the names means.

We’ll reward the most creative responses (and the most accurate responses) with SoftLayer swag of your choice, and in a few days, SKinman will post the real reasons behind all of the names.

-@khazard